What Business School Taught Me About the Cost of Being Real
Have you ever put your foot in your mouth?
I have—more than once.
Putting yourself in unfamiliar rooms means you will not always say the perfect thing. You may misread a situation, make a mistake, or discover that the version of yourself that feels honest is not always the version other people find most comfortable.
Throughout my years as a therapist, I fell in love with authenticity. I spent countless hours listening to people’s stories and witnessing what happens when someone finally feels safe enough to stop performing. That work inspired me to make changes in my own life. It also taught me to value honesty, courage, and emotional depth—not only in the therapy room, but in how I live.
Then I went to business school.
I arrived with zest, excitement, and the quiet awareness that I was choosing to challenge myself head-on. I thought I would learn about strategy, leadership, teamwork, and how to build a stronger business.
I did learn those things. But my greatest lessons were about people.
Because business is about people.
It is about what happens when different values, ambitions, insecurities, and ideas about power enter the same room. It is about belonging, group dynamics, and the choices we make when staying quiet would be easier.
“She’s Here for Moral Support”
While attending business school, I decided to work as a graduate assistant for the program coordinator. It was an opportunity to contribute to the program, learn from behind the scenes, and challenge myself in a different professional role.
During a networking event, I felt nervous interacting with people, but I was sincerely trying. Networking did not feel natural to me yet. After spending years as a therapist listening closely to other people, I was learning how to enter professional spaces and introduce myself in a new way.
At one point, a woman from the company hosting the event approached me. She wanted to know who I was and began introducing herself.
Before I could even say my name, my boss appeared almost like a rocket and blurted out:
“This is Tanya. She’s here for moral support.”
I felt shame, anger, and confusion all at once.
Was that really how my contribution was perceived? Was I simply there to make someone else feel supported? Why had my boss spoken for me before I had the opportunity to speak for myself?
The comment may have seemed small or harmless to someone else. But in that moment, I felt reduced. I had taken a risk by entering an unfamiliar professional space and was trying to establish an identity beyond my role as a therapist. Before I could introduce that emerging version of myself, someone else defined me.
For high-achieving women, moments like this can touch something deeper. Many of us have spent years being the dependable one—the listener, helper, supporter, or emotional container. We know how to make other people feel comfortable. But when we begin stepping into leadership, visibility, or ambition, we may discover that others still expect us to remain in the supporting role.
We may also begin questioning ourselves:
Am I overreacting? Should I laugh it off? Was I not contributing enough? Do I belong in this room?
That experience taught me how quickly someone else’s words can activate shame. It also showed me the importance of being able to name myself—to know who I am and what I contribute, even when someone else misunderstands or minimizes me.
Self-trust does not mean that other people’s comments never affect you. It means you learn not to let an uncomfortable interaction become the final authority on your value.
Authenticity Can Have a Social Cost
During another business school presentation, I made a mistake and accidentally said a swear word. It was not my most polished moment.
In a separate situation, I watched classmates laugh at and criticize someone’s project while the presenter was not in the room. I felt uncomfortable with how quickly the group joined in.
So, I spoke up.
I said that if it were my work, I would want the opportunity to receive critical feedback directly. I would want to be present, respond, learn, and grow from it.
Speaking up did not necessarily make me more likable. Being myself was not always welcomed in the way I expected. At times, I learned that authenticity has a social cost—especially when it interrupts group mentality or challenges what everyone else has silently agreed to accept.
My MBA experience taught me that authenticity is not the same as saying everything you think without considering its impact. Authenticity requires self-awareness, accountability, courage, and compassion. It means learning from the moments when you put your foot in your mouth. It also means recognizing when remaining silent would require you to abandon something you value.
I have learned more about grace through getting things wrong than I ever learned by trying to appear perfect.
Failure still does not feel good. Trying something new is still scary. Being misunderstood can hurt. But growth requires us to enter rooms where we are not already experts and allow ourselves to be seen while we are learning.
For high-achieving women, that can feel especially vulnerable. We often want to arrive polished, prepared, and beyond criticism. We may believe that one mistake will expose us as incapable or unworthy of belonging.
But self-trust is not built by never making mistakes. It is built by knowing that when you do, you can remain connected to yourself. You can reflect, repair, learn, and move forward without turning one uncomfortable moment into a verdict on your worth.
Business school taught me that I do not want success at the expense of my humanity.
I want to be strategic without becoming disconnected. I want to lead without losing my compassion. I want to receive feedback without allowing other people’s judgment to define me. I want to enter professional spaces as a whole person—not merely as someone’s moral support. And I want to keep becoming more authentic, even when being real feels riskier than performing.
That is the kind of emotional freedom I want for the women I work with, too.
You do not have to become less honest to belong. You may need to develop the self-trust to know when to speak, when to listen, when to repair, and when to stand firmly in who you are.
create a cto at the end
You Deserve to Take Up Space
If you have spent years being the capable one, the supportive one, or the woman who holds everything together, you may no longer know where your performance ends and your authentic self begins.
Therapy can give you a space where you do not have to impress anyone, prove your worth, or make yourself smaller to belong.
At Soul Glue Therapy, I help high-achieving women understand the survival patterns beneath perfectionism, anxiety, over-functioning, and chronic self-doubt. Together, we can help you reconnect with your voice, trust your emotional experiences, and build a life that feels like your own—not simply one that looks successful from the outside.
You are more than what you accomplish.
You are more than the support you provide to everyone else.
And you deserve to be fully seen, heard, and valued.
Ready to reconnect with the woman beneath the performance?
